


Something Like Love

by tanawrites



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25032604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tanawrites/pseuds/tanawrites
Summary: Bianca is scared but maybe love is just two idiots who don’t know a damn thing except that they’re willing to figure it out together.
Relationships: Bianca Del Rio/Danny Noriega | Adore Delano
Comments: 4
Kudos: 41





	Something Like Love

**Author's Note:**

> hi welcome back!!

-

They don’t talk about it. It’s been six months of neither of them acknowledging this  _ thing  _ happening between them. It was hard to believe with Bianca’s blunt approach to everything, unfiltered and honest and Adore’s habit of blurting out whatever it was that she was thinking, never stopping to consider the consequences. When it came to this though, when it came to  _ them,  _ had radio silence even from Adore.

It happened slowly. Flirting as they leaned up against the bar, eyeing each other as Bianca watched Adore perform, eventually approaching Adore and offering to buy her a drink. Drunken hookups and texting until they could see each other again. It hadn’t been conventional but it had started harmless enough. A mutual attraction, sex whenever they felt like it, no strings attached.

Somewhere along the way, late nights after Adore finished her set turned into lazy Sunday afternoons doing laundry together since so much of Adore’s was mixed with Bianca’s anyway and Bianca “educating” Adore on old TV shows she hadn’t seen.

They still didn’t talk about it. There were no labels for their relationship and for all intents and purposes, what they did was supposed to be casual. No strings attached was fine until they started to get tangled. 

Bianca had brushed it off, ignoring the nagging voice in the back of her mind that screamed  _ too close too much.  _ If they didn’t talk about it, she didn’t have to admit to herself just how deeply their lives had intertwined. How Adore hadn’t just snuck her way in but how she had barrelled through Bianca’s long-standing walls and that even if she hadn’t, Bianca might have just been readily handing over the key.

Adore had seemed willing and ready to come along for the ride, there had been no stopping to ask questions or clarify what they were. It just simply  _ was _ between them. And for that Bianca was grateful because she didn’t have an answer, only a single instinct - run.

As their whirlwind romance had dwindled to a steady flame rather than the burning inferno, it was getting harder and harder for Bianca to ignore. It was easy at the start to insist on Adore coming to her place because she didn’t have roommates but that didn’t explain why Adore now had a drawer full of clothes in Bianca’s dresser, the second toothbrush next to her own, the fact that she knew exactly how Adore liked her first coffee of the day and that Bianca left it on the nightstand while she woke Adore a few minutes before her alarm, to steal a few moments for just the two of them before the rest of the outside world made itself known again.

-

It’s a Thursday morning, far earlier than either of their alarms were set but it wasn’t exactly  _ early  _ considering Bianca hadn’t slept. 

There had been a moment last night when they were curled up around each other, stomachs full on take-away food they’d ordered in and her mind clouded from a few glasses too many of wine when Bianca thought that _this thing_ they had may have been the most like _home_ she’d ever felt. Then, even the safety that came with her familiar bedsheets and the weight of Adore’s head nestled against her shoulder feeling like a blanket concealing them from the sharp truths of reality, wasn’t enough to stop Bianca’s cold panic. 

You can’t find  _ home  _ in a person. Hearts don’t make for strong foundations and Bianca knew exactly what it felt to have the roof come crashing in, arms not strong enough to hold it up no matter how good they felt wrapped around her.

For the rest of the night and not for the first time in the past few weeks, Bianca stopped to consider their situation. She was wearing Adore’s shirt, brewing a pot of coffee while Adore slept. Two mugs were on the counter - her own plain white and the largest she could find while Adore’s was brightly colored in an obnoxious pattern. It had found its way into her cabinet after a trip they’d made to Ikea and it was with a roll of her eyes that it ended up in the basket but it was  _ Adore’s mug.  _ The thought made her shudder, recoiling from the item that usually brought a fond smile to her lips in the forgiving hours of the early morning.

She’d spent hours beside Adore’s sleeping form, a leg stretched across her hips or grabby hands when Adore stirred enough to reach for her again. Once she finally detangled herself without disturbing Adore, she spent what felt like an equal amount of time leaning against the kitchen counter, idly tapping her nails against the countertop to soothe her instinctual urge to pace.

-

“We can’t do this anymore.”

Adore’s head lifted from the pillow with a groan, sleep fogging her gaze as she tried and failed to focus on Bianca’s form at the end of the bed.

“What do you mean? I sleep over on weekdays all the time. You were only late to work that once.”

Assuming there would be time to finish this argument later, Adore dropped back to the bed. She clutched the sheets closer and made grabby hands at Bianca, hoping she could convince her to come back to bed. She was oblivious to the hurricane that was circling in Bianca’s mind and in any other situation, Bianca would be handling this better. But this was Adore and she was in too deep and she was hanging on to the edge by her fingertips as she desperately tried to gain some leverage again  _ and it had been six months.  _

“I mean...fuck, I mean us. We can’t do this anymore.”

Bianca fought the urge to wring her hands together, stifling it by crossing her arms across her chest. It also worked as a defense mechanism as she watched emotions cross Adore’s face and willing her own to remain blank. The last traces of sleep slipped away as Adore sat up, giving way to a combination of hurt and confusion.

There was a stab in Bianca’s chest, triggered by pure emotion that ached to reach for Adore. To soothe away the crinkle of a frown between her eyebrows, to kiss away the pout on her lips, to say things that she didn’t even know if she wanted to say. Bianca’s mind had always taken precedence over her heart though and it was with ease she distanced herself as she watched thoughts starting to form in Adore’s mind. 

“I have to go to work but if you could just leave the key on the counter and lock the door behind you.”

“I...what? What the fuck do you mean?” 

“I’m running late, I’ve got to go.” 

“Why are you doing this?”

As Bianca turned on her heel, Adore’s voice broke. It wasn’t quite a sob, there was too much anger in her tone for it to sound broken but it stopped Bianca in her tracks. She didn’t turn around, even as she heard Adore get to her feet. 

She had to focus on preparing herself for when Adore no doubt reached for her, steeling her shoulders with an ease that came from a lifetime of practice. By the time Adore was reaching for her elbow and spinning her around, Bianca was ready to fix her with a cold gaze that didn’t falter when Adore stumbled over her words.

“Just talk to me! What’s going on?”

As Adore’s voice rose, Bianca sighed. The sound was exasperated and knew it would come across directed at Adore; she  _ wanted  _ it to be received that way. It would be easier if Adore was mad, if Adore hated her for this.

She could see the uncertainty swimming amongst a light sheen of tears in Adore’s eyes and Bianca hated it. 

Adore was creative and impulsive and could be so contradicting in her own self; wise beyond her years in some moments and so naively, endearingly youthful in others. What came with that was feeling emotions to the extreme and often, not knowing how to channel or filter them before they bubbled to the surface. Any time Adore’s mind was too muddled for her to make sense of, Bianca responded with patience and compassion and watching it now, she felt defenseless. 

It was an expected question but it was one she didn’t have an answer for. Not a genuine one, not one she could admit without her own voice wavering so she lied. A calm, calculated lie that she barely recognized. 

“Nothing’s going on. I just think we’ve run our course. It was fun but...it’s done.”

This time she does turn away, moving around the apartment methodically, ignoring that it was nothing like her usual routine of leaving for work. By the time she had grabbed her purse, Adore had broken free from the trance-like shock Bianca had heartbreakingly left her in and a guttural, exasperated sound from Adore breaks the silence.

“Why won’t you let me in?”

Bianca paused for a mere moment, the wince that crossed her face out of Adore’s view before sliding the strap of her purse over her shoulder.

“Goodbye, Adore.”

-

The set of keys on her counter and the silence that greeted Bianca was a stark contrast to the last six months. There were always the lingering signs of Adore being in her apartment, even if she wasn’t there to greet Bianca. Mussed sheets because Bianca was the only one who insisted on making the bed. A stray pair of shoes or clothes littering the floor of her bedroom because Adore used it as her personal wardrobe, instead of the sections Bianca had silently cleared out for her. It was even louder when Adore was there to greet her, the smell of takeaway food wafting through the front door waiting for her or Adore’s chaotic manner of getting ready for a gig and insisting Bianca hurry up too. 

It was eerily silent today. Her freshly made bed and empty floor were a bitter reminder of the morning and in an attempt to escape her new reality, Bianca barely gave herself time to change clothes before she was locking the door behind her again.

Her feet nearly carried her to their usual bar, where she’d met Adore all that time ago now and where they frequented - both because Adore got discounted drinks for being on their regular rotation of musicians and the convenience of how it was right in the middle of both of their apartments. It wasn’t a question though - she could never go there again, not even on the nights she knew Adore wasn’t performing. She reasoned it was to not add fuel to the flame but a smaller voice told her that without a doubt if she knew Adore hated her, the way Bianca wanted, she might crack. But if she heard Adore sing, if Adore even spared her a single glance, Bianca without a doubt would shatter.

She found herself in a different seedy bar, a straight spirit in front of her that she was drinking too fast, too recklessly. 

She had told herself all day, she wouldn’t miss Adore. She wouldn’t  _ allow  _ herself to miss her because it wasn’t like that. It was good sex (earthshattering, mindnumbing,  _ so  _ good it was practically art) but Bianca knew she could find a warm body when her urges were particularly insatiable, without everything else that had come with Adore.

She told herself she didn’t miss Adore but there was a bartender with a raised eyebrow every time he topped up her glass and a half-empty bottle of scotch that was reminding Bianca just how hard she was trying to drown Adore’s voice out of her mind, to kill her name off her lips. 

-

After waking up hungover and alone after that first night, Bianca immersed herself in work. It wasn’t unusual for her but less so in the past few months as she chose Adore. To fill that void, she was putting in overtime at work. She’d been the last at the office and continued at home until she was tired enough to fall asleep in her empty bed. Although she’d never admit it, Bianca had spent the entire last week trying to avoid her apartment as much as possible. The haven didn’t feel quite as warm anymore and Bianca knew it was her own mistake of getting too comfortable with Adore around. 

She’d ignored phone calls and texts from her friends, namely Courtney who  _ of course  _ knew since she’d introduced her to Adore and they had hit it off. She had cut herself off and was justifying it as taking time for herself again, re-focusing on work and she’d be damned if Courtney saw through the flimsy walls she was desperately trying to reconstruct.

Tonight had started different than the past week, her boss forcing her out of the office when everybody else left. She’d made her way into an unfamiliar bar and sat by herself. She was nursing a glass of wine and pretending to pay attention to whatever was playing on the small television in the corner. All night, she’d been watching the clock. She was painfully aware that Adore was singing tonight, a mere block away, tantalizingly close.

Bianca could practically feel time moving slowly as if the clock was mocking her. She was never late for one of Adore’s shows if she said she’d be there. She had a usual seat, at a high table that was slightly off the side but in a spot that was illuminated just enough that when Adore glanced her way, their eyes could meet.

She told herself she would go home, that tonight would be an early night. That’s what she repeated to herself as she grabbed her purse and turned down the street in the opposite direction of her apartment.

Her jaw was tense as she walked, faster than she needed to make it in time but if she stopped to think about it for even a second, she would snap out of the haze and talk herself out of it. 

She nearly did, stumbling over her words as the bouncer greeted her by name, telling her she was just in time. She spared him a smile as he held the door open for her, just as she heard the familiar strum of a guitar that Adore would use as a final soundcheck and a way to get everybody’s attention before she spoke.

(Like everybody in the room wasn’t already looking; Adore could command a room without even trying.) 

She didn’t go for her usual seat but opted to sit at the back, where she had a clear view of Adore on the small, makeshift stage but hoping that the people between them was enough to mask her from Adore’s.

She knew it was a bad idea when she turned in the direction of this bar. She knew it was a bad idea when a waitress brought her usual drink over to the table. She knew it was a bad idea when the lights were dimmed and a spotlight came on the stage.

It was a bad idea but as soon as Adore’s voice broke the silence that had settled over the bar, introducing herself and began to sing, Bianca was unable to move.

Her eyes were locked on Adore from across the room and for a moment, she thought she was going to break the glass that she had clutched in her hand. It wasn’t a song she recognized but that didn’t matter. Adore could sing anything and Bianca was enthralled. 

Listening to Adore sing was something unlike anything else but this right now, it hurt. Looking at Adore  _ hurt _ .

Her voice was familiar, the same one that called her name from the end of the aisle in the grocery store when she was trying to convince Bianca to buy more ice cream or singing in the shower in the early hours of the morning. It was laced heavy with emotion as Adore sang right now, in a way Bianca hadn’t heard before but she shouldn’t have been so surprised. Adore expressed herself creatively, wore her heart on her sleeve  _ and  _ her guitar pick.

As she listened to Adore sing, Bianca’s chest felt full. Full of regret and missing Adore and loneliness but most of all  _ fear.  _ It ran cold through her body, encompassing all else and then leaving her empty. 

She lasted one song. One song before Bianca was finishing her drink in one mouthful and rushing outside, tears pricking at her eyes and the cool air both a shock.

-

The phone rang once. Twice. Three times.

Bianca had her back resting against the brick of the building behind her, her eyes closed and head tilted back. It was a position she’d screw her face up at when Adore pulled her into an alleyway to smoke but she found herself mirroring it now, either too exhausted or too intoxicated to care. 

She was counting the seconds that passed since she pressed the call button under Adore’s name. There was no reason Adore should answer, especially not in the middle of the night and even more so because it was Bianca calling but she was holding her breath hoping she would.

She’d made a mistake that night, going to watch Adore sing. It was the first of many for the night though, the several drinks she’d had after going back to the first bar and coming here once she was cut off, being at the top of the list.

“B?” Adore answered the phone and Bianca’s mind went blank. Adore’s voice was thick with sleep and confusion but Bianca could imagine the look on her face as the realization sunk in and Adore added, “What do you want?”

“I just wanna see you.” 

Adore’s quiet scoff echoed and Bianca winced. 

“I do want to see you, I know that’s fucked up-”

“Yeah it is fucked up, dude.” 

“Adore, I’m sorry...I don’t know why…”

Somewhere along the way, Bianca’s slurring had become a wordless, silent cry.

“Are you cr-”

“No. Shit, I don’t know. It’s just cold out here and you sounded really good tonight and…”

Between Bianca’s sniffling, Adore repeated back what she had said, piecing together the scattered segments of what Bianca had managed to get out. When silence had settled between them, only the sounds of Adore rustling on the other end and Bianca’s poorly subdued crying, she remembered why she was here.

“I didn’t buzz up, I didn’t know if anybody else was asleep.”

“I know, I’m coming down.”

Adore didn’t sound happy but Bianca’s heart still raced as she listened to her coming down the stairs, mentally trying to count each one as they were the seconds until Adore was there with her.

Once the main door to the building opened, Bianca lifted her head from where it was resting back against the brick with more effort than it should have required.

“Hi.” 

She let her phone drop from her ear, dangling from her hand instead as she took in Adore’s appearance. There were slippers on her feet and a blanket tossed around her shoulders but bare legs that made her smile. It soon slipped away when Adore cleared her throat and Bianca was glancing up into disappointed eyes instead.

“Hi.” 

Bianca repeated, pushing herself off the wall in a moment of confidence that was entirely misplaced as she stumbled, reminding herself that the building was in fact keeping her up and not the other way around.

As Adore cursed and surged forwards to catch her, Bianca thought maybe it wasn’t so misplaced after all. 

“God, do you know what an idiot you are?”

Despite the harsh question, Adore’s voice was softer than Bianca expected. It was softer than Bianca deserved. It was hard to focus on though as she leaned against Adore, trying to remain upright and ignoring how the smell of Adore’s perfume was more intoxicating than anything else she’d consumed that night.

It was a struggle of mumbled apologies from Bianca and a gentle hushing from Adore as they got up the few flights of stairs to Adore’s apartment. It wasn’t long until they were in Adore’s bedroom and she was set down unceremoniously on Adore’s bed amongst the mussed sheets.

It was through hooded eyes that Bianca was looking up at Adore and she didn’t know if it was a remaining layer of tears or all the alcohol but her expression was unreadable.

There were so many things Bianca wanted to say, that she was sorry, that she was just scared, that she wanted things to go back to normal, that loving Adore had happened so easily and so effortlessly that she didn’t know how that could be reciprocated. Someone like her wasn’t easy to love, all sharp edges and missing parts.

All she managed was to focus her gaze enough to reach for Adore’s hand, clumsily fumbling until she could tangle their fingers enough to tug her forward a little.

She didn’t have the words, nor the balance to sink to her knees and beg Adore for things to go back to how they were. Equally so, she didn’t know if she could take it if Adore understandably, said no.

Instead of saying anything, she pulled Adore’s hand right to her face and pressed a single kiss to her palm.

They stayed that way for a moment, Bianca turning her face to rest against Adore’s hand. Adore’s sigh broke the quiet though and she pulled away, only to bend and start untying Bianca’s shoes.

The last thing Bianca remembered before succumbing to sleep was Adore pulling the sheets up to her chin and she thought to herself if somebody was going to be  _ home  _ that it would be this person right here, who had all the reason and hands strong enough to break her that chose to put her back together instead.

-

When Bianca woke up the next day, her hangover didn’t register immediately. Instead, her attention was drawn to the sensation of fingers running along her arm, tracing invisible patterns like Adore could read something on her skin that even Bianca didn’t know was written there.

Her eyes stubbornly remained closed and she slowly came to the rest of her senses. There was a moment of disbelief, knowing there shouldn’t be any reason Adore was still taking pity on her enough to be indulging Bianca  _ this much.  _

“I’m still mad at you, you know.”

There it was. Bianca thought the moment was about to be shattered but despite Adore’s words, the soft touch never faltered. 

“You’re a real pain in the ass when you’re drunk too.”

“Not just when I’m drunk,” Bianca added, the sound of her croaky voice making her wince. She finally opened her eyes though and a glass of water on the nightstand. She gulped it down gratefully and then turned around to face Adore.

“You’re right about that.”

Bianca’s shifting had pushed Adore’s hand off her arm and as she looked at Adore, face turned downwards and fingers idly playing with a stray thread, she craved the contact again.

She had none of her confidence from last night though so she didn’t reach for Adore’s hand the way she wanted to. The way she would have before she messed everything up.

“I’m sor-“

“I just want to know-“

They both started speaking but Bianca gestured for Adore to continue. The last time they spoke she had been in too much of her own panic to take in anything Adore was saying and this time, she needed to hear her out. 

(Bianca was hanging on every word.)

“I want to know what happened. I thought...I didn’t think anything was wrong.”

Adore stopped, a frown forming between her brows. Bianca could see on her face that she was struggling to pull full sentences from her thoughts. Thoughts that she couldn’t gauge the way she usually could. She forced herself to be patient, to bite her tongue and let Adore sort out her thoughts. The new few moments passed tantalizingly slow but Bianca remained quiet, fiddling with the corner of the sheet to busy her hands.

“I thought we were on the same page but you were like a chapter ahead of me or something. Fuck, I don’t even think you were reading the same book as me.”

Adore’s rising frustration was evident and Bianca waited until she sighed out and nodded along for Bianca to speak.

“We were on the same page, I was just...reading too much into it?” Bianca visibly winced at trying to continue Adore’s analogy. She swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat and tried again. “Nothing was  _ wrong  _ exactly. That was kind of the problem though.” 

It was getting hard for her to continue, especially while she was stalling what she actually needed to say. There was no liquid courage or Adore’s comforting hold to help her through it either, just Bianca needing to break through the walls that were holding her back.

“I didn’t realize how...comfortable we had gotten. It just happened so easily that I didn’t even notice it happening and that scared me.”

“I get that you’re this emotional cactus or whatever but I don’t  _ get _ it still. We weren’t doing anything from the norm.”

“The fact that we  _ had  _ a norm was the problem.”

“You know I don’t really care for labels or anything, right?”

“I didn’t because we didn’t ever talk about it - because I didn’t want to...but I realized that if you did, that I would want to be okay with it.”

Adore seemed to understand now. The confusion faded from her expression but the defiant hurt remained, her brows still laced together in a frown.

“So you realized you were happy and...didn’t want to be?”

A single chuckle, humorless and exhausted left Bianca’s parted lips. 

“Yeah, that’s pretty much it.”

“You were right, you are an idiot sober too.”

Bianca paused. There were still the nagging thoughts telling her this was too much, that she was too much but she silenced them with thoughts of how empty her life was the past week. Adore was too loud and imperfect in a million ways that made Bianca’s nerves flicker out of control but she was  _ golden _ . Listening to Adore sing or watching her do something as simple as pick a movie for them to watch on Netflix and just  _ be exactly _ who she was drove Bianca crazy.

(It made Bianca want to give Adore everything the world had to offer, down to the very last drop.)

“I am and I have no idea what I’m doing but I know I want to do it with you.”

Adore seemed to be thinking it over, tasting how the words felt in her mouth before speaking them and Bianca was a wreck. Her nerves were shot and she was ready to backpedal on all of it, to haul her hungover ass out of the apartment.

“Well that’s all you had to say.”

Adore silenced everything then, all of Bianca’s fears, the words threatening to blabble out, even the catch in her throat, with a kiss planted perfectly on her mouth. 


End file.
